What Is “The Ick” — And How to Avoid Giving It When Dating

Have you ever been on a promising date, everything looked great, until they did something small that suddenly put you off?
Maybe it was how they chewed, or a phrase they used, or an action.

That's the "ick".

But to really understand why it happens and avoiding it, you need to look at what gives people the ick in the first place. Here's what science says about it.

The Science Behind “The Ick”

A recent study — “The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate-choice thresholds” by Brian Collisson, Eliana Saunders, and Chloe Yin (Azusa Pacific University, 2025) — dug into the psychology of why some people get the ick more than others.

Researchers found three main traits strongly linked to being prone to the ick:

• Disgust sensitivity — how strongly a person reacts to minor repulsive cues.
  Source › ScienceDirect
• Narcissism — an inflated sense of self-importance and expectation that partners should elevate one’s image.
• Other-oriented perfectionism — setting unrealistically high standards for others and being less tolerant of quirks.

The study included 125 single adults aged 24–72, and found that 64% had felt the ick at least once.
Interestingly, women (75%) were more likely than men (57%) to recognise the feeling.
Source › Psychology Today

Researchers also analysed TikTok videos to identify the most common triggers:

• Gender incongruence (acting “too masculine” or “too feminine”)
• Public embarrassment
• Speech patterns or language quirks
• Hygiene and personal grooming
  Source › Psychology Today

In other words, the ick often comes from a mix of small quirks and internal psychology, not always genuine incompatibility.

Why It Matters

If you often get the ick or seem to give it, it may reveal deeper behavioural or mindset patterns.

• Those who give the ick may unknowingly display low-value or inauthentic behaviour.
• Those who get the ick frequently may be operating with unrealistic expectations or perfectionism.
• And because social media tends to amplify superficial traits, it can make the ick feel more common than it really is.

Statistically, only 26% of people have ever left a relationship because of the ick — and most admit it wasn’t due to a serious issue, but rather a small behaviour that suddenly felt big.
(PsyPost)

How to Avoid Giving “The Ick”

Here are some tips to avoid giving the ick without being someone you are not:

1. Lead with your best self — authentically.
   Show who you are, what you value, and how you behave naturally.
   Hiding quirks to appear “perfect” usually backfires.

2. Avoid signals of inflated self-importance.
   Over-emphasising how masculine, feminine, confident, or successful you are can come off as try-hard, which often triggers the ick.

3. Mind small behaviours.
   Hygiene, speech patterns, public manners — these are subtle cues that shape attraction more than looks alone.

4. Listen to what your date values.
   Pay attention to what they find attractive in a partner. Bring your best self to meet those needs without pretending.

5. Avoid habits / differing actions early on After dating a certain amount of time, the ick becomes less of an ick and more of a habit we just hadn't notice, our investment outweighs the sensation. So try to avoid really strong habits or quirks early on.

Conclusion

It’s always a good idea to use the ick as reason to stop bad behaviour, change your appearance to how you want, or quit a bad habit, but never at the cost of being you. If someone gets the ick from your natural behaviour, that’s a sign of incompatibility — not failure.

Likewise, if you’re someone who gets the ick easily, don't use it as a reason to leave but instead a reason to reflect. Is this something you've seen many times, is it normal or even something you could adjust to. Or, is it less of an ick and more of a real reason to leave.

Remember: the kind of person willing to leave over the ick may not be the kind you want to chase anyway.
Instead, focus on natural attraction, equal expectations, and someone who holds the same core values.

🔬 Reference

Collisson, B., Saunders, E., & Yin, C. (2025). The ick: Disgust sensitivity, narcissism, and perfectionism in mate-choice thresholds.
Personality and Individual Differences, 238, 113086.
Read the study › ScienceDirect